Last weekend I repainted my living room. The last time I painted in there was not long after we bought the house (maybe 5 years ago) and my mom came and taught me all she knew about painting and helped me get some new colors up. She loved painting; or at least she loved the results. She would repaint a different room in her house every couple of months, it seemed!
As she’s now been gone nearly 3 months and we’ve entered the holiday season, my emotions have ebbed and flowed. When there is quiet space, the sadness has room to breathe. Those days are hard, but I’m glad for them.
Someone shared this with me as I expressed the difficulty of the week:
Grief, I’ve learned, is really love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot give. The more you loved someone, the more you grieve. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes and in that part of your chest that gets empty and hollow feeling. The happiness of love turns to sadness when unspent. Grief is just love with no place to go.
– J.W.A.
As I’ve shared my moments of grief, it’s created space for others to share their own with me. I’ve learned that the grief accompanies not only the loss of a loved one through death, but also empty chairs from estranged children and siblings, family in prison, health issues and the fear of what those health issues may bring, and other reasons as unique as each person who grieves.
Friends, this week had been building up, and it had been a hard few days. I know it’s been hard for my dad and my brothers too. Today we’ll celebrate our thankfulness, but without Mom. On the toughest days, I share my grief with my friends. And their prayers bring peace beyond my understanding.
If you have or are experiencing grief, I hope you are finding joy in the moments. I think the loss of someone we love opens our eyes and our hearts to treasure bits of joy around us even more.
If you’re unsure how to help someone grieving this holiday season, consider sending a short message that you’re thinking of them, dropping off a plate of cookies, or seeing if they want to grab a cup of coffee. Sometimes we want space, and sometimes we want someone to be there. Even a small gesture can mean the world on a hard day.
Reaching out feels like a risk; you’re afraid you’ll offend or say the wrong thing. But in becoming vulnerable and taking that leap, we can experience real joy together.
Thank you all for your continued love and care.
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I heard this phrase at church today “the hope of heaven means that one day all of our sadness will be made untrue.” The grief of earth will no longer exist. I can’t imagine what you feel, but my hope is that your grief is always mixed with the hope of heaven and then because God is the God of impossible that in the midst of grief there is immeasurable joy.
– Nicole R.